hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
