my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
