Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
false alarm, still single
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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