I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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