You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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