I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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