Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
