I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
