i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
