turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
