you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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