I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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