dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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