i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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