I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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