So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
