Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
