I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
