I think my vagina is haunted
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
