the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
