Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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