My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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