You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Green mimosas i think yes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
