every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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