Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
