dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
