Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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