Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
