i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
