dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
