I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
