i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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