All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
