so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
