a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
