I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
