You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
