He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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