hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
