He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
