This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
either way he was missing a nipple.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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