I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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