Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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