i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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