Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
