He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
