glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
