Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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