I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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