literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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