That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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