i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
