My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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