She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
