Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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