I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
