I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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