In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
